First day @ work… 020708
Today is my first day of work, after three years of theological education. The feeling is weird. After three years of intense training at the Bible College, there are many things I would want to use it for the church and ministry. I have many new and better ideas to contribute to improve or even correct what the church has been doing. But my spiritual and emotional condition does not allow me to do so. I am easily tired and worn out. I am yet to be fully recovered.
I am writing this in the office. I am early today. But my heart is not here in the office. My heart and mind is full of yesterday. Yes, yesterday. Yesterday, I decided to go for a long walk along the new southern ridge. It starts from HarborFront all the way to Kent Ridge Park. The walk was wonderful. I had a good time walking with the Lord, conversing with Him, and listening to the sound of the His voice through the beauty of His creation.
I was still very depressed and lost the night before, angry with God that I am still so unfit for His service. I lamented that my three years of theological education has gone to a waste. I even envy my classmates who are mostly meaningfully engaged in ministry and serving the Lord with what they had learnt. And I am merely slacking at home and making trips to hospital. My fractured right wrist did not allow me to do more than this. I felt so disabled. But the long walk and talk with the Lord really clears my anxiety and wrong thinking. I am thankful to take that walk, I know it is the prompting of the Holy Spirit for me went for that walk as I did not plan for it at all.
I was reminded of God’s faithfulness in providing for His creation in the nature. I shared this during the devotion in the BBGB camp, but it did not sink in deep in me. The walk helps me to realize that God will take care of every need of His people, and that includes me.
The route was long and winding too. I was tired after the walk. The journey in His service is also long and winding. There will be times I will have to go up hill and there will be times I will be going down hill and there will be time I will be going round and round without going anywhere; and sometimes I will be lost! I have to be prepared for this. The Lord has used this walk to warn me of this again. I am really grateful.
Today, as I start work, I know that my journey in ministry is going to be a tough one. I just have to keep on pressing on and keep moving on. And I know that from time to time, I will have to be in conversation with the Lord again and again. For now, I just have to take it easy. Anyway, today is only my first day of work.
HHS…
Abel…
