The Guilt of my sin… (Psalm 32) 040308
77Last night was indeed very exciting. After I came home from sending Esther off to Sydney, I took Alethea back home from my mother’s place. I was supposed to feed her and clean her up and then put her to sleep. At the same time, I also have to wash and sterilize the bottles, do some laundry, get ready her milk for feed, and a shower for myself. Alethea had an immunization jab in the day, and I guessed she was feeling a bit uncomfortable and wanted her feed earlier, so she cried! Very loudly! Even before the my feed.
I had to carry her and at the same time trying to manage other chores so that I can get her milk ready to feed her. To be honest, I was very frustrated and even angry with her. All I need was for her to be patience so that I can get ready for her what she needed. But of course she won’t know that, and I just had to pray to God for help and mercy! I confessed to God that heart was without love when I get frustrated with Alethea and asked Him to forgive my unrighteous anger against her.
Some may think that it is such a small matter, and it is normal for any man to be frustrated and angry in such circumstance. I am not a normal man, I am Alethea’s father! I have pledged to love her and protect her unconditionally when she was born, just only three months ago. I have promised God and promised her. Though she might not know what was happening last night, but God knows.
As I read this morning Psalm, and reflect upon what happened last night, I can only come to my knees and ask God for forgiveness of my sinful heart. I cannot but confess that how easy my heart can be so evil and sinful. I need to be reminded.
I am glad that I have the assurance that I am forgiven as I confess my sins (v1). I know that I will not be held accountable by God as He has forgiven me when I confess and repent (v2). As I confess my sins, God will forgive even the guilt of my sin (v5). I am thankful for such reminder and assurance.
I use to live under the guilt of my sin. This can be very subtle and I do not realize that I have been living under the guilt of my sin. I do not live under sin, but the guilt of my sin. One of the great issue that God has been dealing with me during the past few months as I journeying out of my spiritual wilderness, it is my sense of guilt of my sin. I believe God has forgiven my sin as I confess, but I still live in the shadow of the guilt of my sin.
This morning, I can rejoice because I do not need to live in the guilt of my sin, because God also forgives the guilt of my sin (v5)! I can rejoice! As I learn to trust in the Lord, His lovingkindness will surround me (v10), so that I can be glad and rejoice, and be called the "righteous one" by the Lord (v11). It is a beautiful picture to be surrounded by the Lord’s lovingkindness. It is a picture of grace, a picture of security and a picture of strength.
I will continue to love Alethea, and take care of her no matter how she is going to be. As God loves me, I want to learn to love others too.
HHS…
Abel…
