Why have you forsaken me? (Psalm 22) 180208
I think I can more or less fully understand how this Psalmist had felt. It is a dilemma. It can really stretch a person inner emotional energy to both extreme ends. "Why have You forsaken me?" (v1) is an oxymoron type of question if one knows that God will be with him forever. I am sure that this Psalmist knows that, and I know that as well. But in reality, knowing God is with me forever and God has forsaken, both experiences are very real.
I have been on an exciting journey of faith. I went right into a spiritual wilderness. I was tempted to give up, I was being pushed to my limits, I have been forced to face my weaknesses, I also have experienced close encounter with God, enjoying His presence, and also found resting place of oasis in the wilderness. My soul has done down to the depths of despair and also has found intimacy and joy with the presence of God. Both experiences are real and sometimes torn me apart!
I cannot read this Psalm without having to confront with my personal struggles. I cannot read this Psalm without seeing and sensing the emotional struggles of the Psalmist. As I read through this Psalm again and again, I know God is speaking spot on where I have been struggling. I doubt God! I doubt God if He was there when I am weak and need Him. I doubt God if He knows and really cares about me for all that I have been through. I cannot make sense with the Spiritual Wilderness. I have gone through dark moments and I doubt if God was there at all. I question God: Why have You forsaken me?
I have to be honest with God. I have lost confident of Him many times. Though my lips still offer praise and trust, my deep in my heart, I am overwhelmed and overstretched by the reality of my emotions. One day, I can be very depressed; on the other, I can sense God so close to me. One day I can be very fearful of reality; on the other, I can be so peaceful and resting in the presence of God. One day, I can be very restless and worrisome; on the other, I can be of great faith and have profound revelation. I am tired of swinging from these extremes.
I am tired. I am heavy-laden. I am burdensome. I am lost! I want to feel good, but most importantly, I want feel God. I am not being hyper-spiritual. I am not looking for an mystical experience to boast about. I just want to be secured. I am fearful. The days ahead are going to be tougher for me. My father will be likely to go for his heart surgery, my two sisters are overseas, my mother has been very stretched, my wife has to travel and is going to be busy with her work, my baby girl is growing up and needs plenty of care, am I am graduating and my church will press me for an answer what will I be doing then. I am really fearful. God, I really need You now. Do not forsake me! I cannot carry on this journey of faith with Your grace of faith and trust.
I think I am a weakling. I cannot take the stress of life, I am not even sure of God’s calling for my life. What good can I do? I really need to be in the presence of God to feel secure and worthy. I need You God! Do not leave me alone! But at least I know You are there when I cry out to You! I can cry out to You! I know You are there! God is there! So that I can ask: Why have You forsaken me? I am waiting for God to answer me. Who are you waiting for if you are waiting for any answer?
HHS…
Abel…
