Abundant Lovingkindness… (Psalm 5) 220108
I was lazy for the past two days. I did not make an effort to spend that quiet moment with the Lord. I knew that I still need His grace badly.
Sunday was really bad for me. I was to meet up with some people to share with them of my struggles and the need to getting a break from ministry, and hoped that they could extend their gracious hands. At the end of the discussion, nothing much changed, everything remained almost the same, just that I was excused from being involved. But I thought that was quite impossible because the one who will be leading the small group will be my wife, and we just had a little baby girl with us. How can she be involved and yet I be uninvolved? We are to be one-flesh! Anyway, I have agreed to it, not according to my desire, but for the benefit of the people.
Deep within me, these people are like my ‘enemies’, but in reality they are my dear friends. I wonder why God did not hear my prayer for me to be totally removed from the small group, together with my family. Why do I still have to be in it? I badly need some rest. I need to be quarantine from humanity! I have issues to deal with. I have hurts to heal. I have a weary soul to rest. Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my groaning (v1).
I hope that God will release me from people who take pleasure in seeing me in my weakest moment (v4), just like the Psalmist. I wish that the Lord will destroy those who say one thing and do another thing (v6), just like the Psalmist. I was very frustrated!
I was frustrated with life, with people and with myself! But as for me, I can enter into God’s house, where God’s presence is, not because of anything I do, it is because of God’s abundant lovingkindness (v7). I am dumb-founded! It’s not about me. It’s about God’s abundant lovingkindness.
This is everything! His abundant lovingkindness is all that I need. It’s not about me. It’s about God and His abundant lovingkindness. I am sorry for repeating God’s abundant lovingkindness again and again. I simply cannot get over it. It is not only lovingkindness, but abundant lovingkindness. It’s not only about love or kindness, but a compound of lovingkindness, and it exists in abundance! I finally understand and find the truth of my faith: It’s not about me, nothing at all about me, but everything to do with God’s gracious abundant lovingkindness!
But this is only a slogan, if it remains here. I have to live God’s abundant lovingkindness, I have to learn to deny myself, because it is not about me. I have to live a life that demonstrates God’s abundant lovingkindness, in both public and private! It is not going to be easy, but this is the way to go. It is the beginning of my journey to complete healing and recovery from this spiritual dryness. I am ready to go for it. Because I know that it is not about me or whether I have the determination to go through it, it is all about God’s abundant lovingkindness. And I have to simply and faithfully trust in His promise. Do you have the same conviction too? It not about us, it’s about God’s abundant lovingkindness. Have you also receive God’s abundant lovingkindness?
HHS…
Abel…
