We are a family…
This week, I am attending an interterm course on Family and Marriage Therapy. I am very blessed by the lecturer and his sharing and teaching. He comes with vast experience in pastoring churches and also a practicing family and marriage therapist in the
United States . He is passionate about the church being the family where believers can be part of it. The church being the spiritual family of a believer is not a new idea, but when he walks us through the Scriptures, showing us that this is God’s idea that the church is the family, whether we like it or not. And it should start from the cell group or small group (whatever name we may call it).
As someone whom has been in the pastoral ministry and a leader of a small group, I know the power of a healthy small group. But the challenge is that it is not easy to run a healthy small group. The purpose of a small group is to provide a safe place for intimacy. It is a place where members can share openly without being judged and criticized. It should be a place where growth, empowerment, and even healing take place. As a leader, I am not only a shepherd to my flocks, but also a parent to them.
I know this sounds strange, but if a small group is a family unit, then there must be parents and children. And I think this is a very good illustration of a small group. It is not a committee whereby people come together for just a common objective and get it done and that is it! It is a family, whereby people are committed to one another to nurture and love one another. This is a place of growth, a place of love, a place of healing and a place of grace.
I have to confess that I am not a good parent. I have not cared for my ‘children’ enough. I have not loved them enough. I have not helped them to draw closer to God. It is difficult to love, especially those who are not so lovable. It is easy to love those who are lovable, but Christ died not only for the lovable ones, also the unlovable ones. Sometimes, I just wish to stop being a small group leader. It is so much easier to be a member or a children. There is no need to remind the members to attend small group; there is no need to ask if they are coming for dinner or worry for them if they have their dinner; there is no need to spend extra time to prepare for lesson even only one turn up; there is no need to be emotionally drained after ministering or listening to the members struggles and problems; and there is no need to be accountable to Senior Pastor or God about the well-being of those members under my care – it will be none of my business.
As I look at the small group as a family, I know that God put us together for His purpose and we are still a family whether we like it or not. It actually does not matter if I am the leader or not, as long as we are a family, we need to treat each other like our family members. We may have different ideas about what family is about, but one thing for sure, we cannot choose our family members. It is there. We can refuse to be in a small group, but we are still members of God’s family. We can refuse to be accountable and committed to a small group, but we are still members of the family. Not matter what, we are a family.
Since this is the case, I will learn to build a strong and healthy family. I may not be there yet, but I am going to do so. I may still struggle and feel depress when members are not responding to the love and care I am pouring out for them; I may feel like giving up when times are bad for my small group; and I may also burning out in taking care of other people needs rather than mine, I will remember that we are still a family. I can also look forward that my family members will heal me, strengthen me and love me.
