A Tired Servant
It’s already past midnight as I am writing this. Some of my cellgroup members just left about half an hour ago. Its another tired day for me. I really feel like going to bed soon. But there is something deep within me stirring. I think I have penned it down before I sleep.
Past two months were very challenging for me. I am really tired and weary. Yes, it was joyous that my wife is pregnant and I am going to be a father soon. I am very excited and thankful to God for giving us this new life. But this also added stress and burden to my existing heavily responsiblilty in school, in ministries and in studies. I am really overloaded. I was still manageable before my wife was pregnant, but this added responsibility to look after her and all the houseworks had really off balanced my balancing act of managing all aspects of my life.
Maybe I am just being lazy or finding excuse. But recently I really feel a sense of burn out. I get very irritated when I am told to do something extra. I felt being unfairly treated and began to blame others for being uncompassionate to my situation. By the way, I am still struggling to complete my 25 readings reports, and I am supposed to have my holidays now. I have planned for retreats and camps during this hoildays and I usually look forward to these retreats and camps, because its a time to relax and building relationships. But this time, I just felt that these were burdens and taking away my times to complete my unfinished assignments, yet I still have to run these retreats and camps. To make things worse, the people are too busy to attend. I know they are genuinely busy and tired, so am I. This is the same with my cellgroup. I opened my house for them to meet every Fridays, but they were also to busy to come. I am really disappointed. I also felt unfair. I give everything in my life to serve the people God had call me to serve, but yet they seemed to be unappreciative of my little effort. Am I not doing enough?
Just now my wife shared my struggles with some of them who came for the cellgroup, I know they feel bad for taking us for granted at times, but that was not my intention. For my cellgroup members, all I want them is to be accountable. To be accountable to me and my wife, and also to hold us accountable. I know I also have not spend enough time with my cellgroup members and care for them enough. I really hope to have time during this holidays to do so. Maybe it can only remain as a hope. I don’t even know if I have any time for that. My laptop was not able to boot up for more than a week and still don’t time to get it fixed.
Yes. I am tired and weary. I wanted rest. I needed care and being ministered to, but who will? I still have about 5 more readings to complete. I have a children camp to attend next week and then a youth retreat to run the next week and I am also preaching that Sunday and then go for leaders retreat the following week, and then I will have to start reading for my intersemester class, and then new students orientation preparation. Where is my holidays?
I think I need to say no from now on. Sorry if I have to reject anyone. But I was reminded that I read Philippians 2 during my latest retreat. I am to imitate Jesus to become a servant. I am not just called to serve, but called to be a servant. I don’t choose who to serve or how am I suppose to serve as a servant. I just serve as my Master pleases and serve the people my Master assigned me to serve.
I guess I have not much choices, I just have to learn to submit and ask God for wisdom and strength and just being faithful. But today, I am a tired servant, I just prayed that my Master will give me some rest so that I can regain strength to go another extra mile, until I reach the place my Master has intended for me to go.
June 1st, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Hi Abel,
Wow, you really sound so tired. I can hear that you’re very exhausted with all the responsibilities that you have to do. Sometimes it’s really frustrating when people take us for granted and don’t appreciate our efforts especially when you’re already trying your best. It’s very disappointing when no one seems to understand.
Sometimes I feel so tempted to be selfish. To just do what I feel like doing and forget other responsibilities first just to be able to regain strength. It’s just comforting to be reminded by the word of God in Matt.11:28-30 when Jesus said,
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
I know it’s not easy. But I’m sure the Lord is pleased and honored with what you’re doing. Just continue to focus on Him. Because man disappoints us but the Lord will never disappoint us.
Cheer up. The Lord is your strength. He definitely understands what you’re going through. He will carry you ’cause He cares.
May God grant and bless you strength, joy, peace and perseverance as you continue to seek, trust, love and serve Him with your whole heart.