A day of fear
Last night I was very tired. It was not because I had done a lot works or anything like that. Some may have come to know that my wife is pregnant. I was extremely happy about it. But it was not easy for us to conceive, and God is good. Those who have been praying along with us for pass few years may know about the condition that my wife has that make pregnancy difficult and sustaining a pregnancy is also a great challenge. Yesterday morning, I received a message from my wife that she saw some spottings. To a normal lady in pregnancy, this is not a good sign, furthermore, my wife has a negative blood type, any bleeding within might lead to her body to develop anti-bodies against the fetus in the future.
I was very worried. I asked my wife to go and see the doctor and I rushed over to accompany her. We had lost our first baby due to spottings and fears just well up within me. As a theological student, I know that I have to trust that God is in control and He is sovereign. But in reality, I am overwhelmed by the memory of the past and the experience of losing our baby. When I go to God in prayers, no word came out of me, but only tears. Tears of fears.
Fear grips me. But I also realized how vulnerable I can be, how weak I am. I think I saw my real self yesterday. A weak, vulnerable and fearful man. But as I keep crying out to God, I have a sense of comfort and strength came from within. I knew that these were from the Lord. Though I am still very worried, but there is also a sense of peace. I am not quite sure how to describe this experience. I simply have the assurance that God was with me and with our baby. I don’t know about what will happen tomorrow, but I know the One who holds my future.
My wife was asked to rest and stay home for the rest of the week by the doctor, and she was given an injection to stabilize the situation. I am thankful that there were many brothers and sisters in Christ supporting us in their prayers and some even send messages of encouragement. I am indeed very touched and moved by all of their concerns. After the end of the day, I was physically drained and emotionally wearied out.
I just want to continue to trust God for His grace, His strength, His love, His power and His protection over my wife and the baby.
